content

Are you content? Every now and then in life we are given the opportunity to change what we are doing. Before the decision is upon us we might not even have the other option(s) on our radar! Once it is asked however, it's only right to take it seriously and make a decision. But how? What does it look like to trust God? These are some things I have been wrestling with recently:

Direction: I find it really important to ask people for advice. To see what others consider my strengths and weaknesses. To see what they suggest and ask. Sometimes other people see things in such a different way that it will be insightful and helpful in making a wise decision.

WARNING: these people may be trusted and important people in your life, but remember it is not them who you must please, but God. This is something I only just realised, in the last few months I have been overwhelmed by advice and so conflicted in how to please everyone. Finally I realised that it's not about them, it's about me and God. And I should not be afraid of man. (Proverbs 29:25~ The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.)

Doubt: A few years ago I went to a seminar on doubt and I learn that double-mindedness is quite normal. Before that event I had thought I was alone in my mixed feelings and thoughts. I was advised to follow both trains of thought and see where they would lead to. When given options it's good to imagine what it would be like to follow them through in our imagination.
Elijah asked the people of God when they were turning from His laws: "How long will you go limping between two different opinions?" (1 Kings 18:21). It is like limping. We are unsure and switch ideas each moment. It is debilitating and confusing. It's draining. It is not a good state to be in for long periods of time.

Depression: If doubt is not dealt with, I fear it can lead to depression. It might be evident in not enjoying usual activities, unable to concentrate, feeling overwhelmed, indecisive, lacking in confidence, feeling tired all the time. These are some of the symptoms that have plagued me in the last couple weeks as I transition from uni to the work force. I am unsure where to do and so have got stuck in a place of indecision. But I have hope. I know that I can't really make a wrong decision.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, nor for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:17,23-24

Deadlines: Eventually a decision must be made. Sometimes deadlines are given to us, other time we have to make them ourselves. Sometimes God closes doors and only leaves one open. Other times God let's us make a choice between a few good options. Being open to God's leading is key.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

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In the end, when we make a decision, we need to trust God with that decision, and be prepared to live with the consequences. A wise friend said to me the other day that in making a significant career decision she asked herself, "on a bad day in X job, will I think 'if only I was in Y job'?" and then asked herself "on a bad day in Y job, will I think 'I wish I was in X job'?". In that way she reminded me that no matter the choice there will be tough days, but it is essential to be content and continue trusting God with each day.

*photo taken by myself from Christensen Park, Vaucluse

why I'm fasting from fasting

Hello!
It has been a while since I last sat down to write a blog post. It's time I started again :)

This year, the year of our Lord 2014, I decided as a new years resolution to learn more about fasting.

It was a simple plan. Each month I would give up something for that month. At the end of a month I thought and decided on the next months thing.
January- no facebook
February- no coffee
March- no internet on my phone
April- no snacks
May- no TV
June- no chocolate
July- fasting from fasting
August- I tried giving up my phone monday to fridays.

This was as far as my fasting got.
It was hard being self-controlled. I learned that it's easy enough to give myself exceptions to rules. I had hoped to spend time learning things about God, which I did but not in the way I expected! The things I chose to give up were only really challenging my self-control and maybe starting different habits. Rather than giving me opportunity to spend time with God in prayer as I had envisioned.

What I didn't expect to learn but led to my eventual fasting from fasting was the realisation that making rules and trying to keep them is quite easy for me. I get what it means and how to do it. I know when I have broken a rule and I congratulate myself on keeping the rules. I am very legalistic in my mindset. 

What I was struggling with was not the outward signs of self-control but the inward signs of selflessness, humility, and graciousness. It's easy for me to be self-righteous and proud. It was hard for me to know what to do with this realisation.

I found I couldn't make a rule about how I live my life or what to fast from next without feeding my pride and arrogance. I had no idea how to deal with this. I'm so used to finding fault in my actions and making dramatic life changes to try and alleviate my situation. Suddenly I was faced with something I couldn't deal with in the same way.

So instead of fasting I decided to fast from fasting: to give myself grace, to learn about God's grace in a whole new way.

Grace.
An undeserved gift.
In my mind, it is the thing I get while I am still a sinner.
It is the favour of God to see me blameless in light of what Jesus did on my behalf.

Grace.
An unmerited second chance.
I have understood grace to be God's Spirit convicting me of the things I have done wrong.
My responsibility was to respond by doing something about that sin. But.

Grace.
A renewal of life.
I am learning that God not only shows us our wrongdoing and sees us as righteous because of Jesus.
God also has the perfect solution; He transforms, renews and changes us!

Grace.
God's unconditional love
Nothing I can do can take away my wrongdoing.
Nothing I say or think can change my selfishness and pride.
Grace does what I cannot. I am completely dependent on Jesus for all that I am.
And His power of transforming of my mind, body, and soul.

I pray that I will continue to grow in Christlikeness and learn to accept His grace in all areas of my life in all ways.

doubts and decisions

One can't go through life without testing your gut feelings every now and then, or shaking things up to ensure later you don't regret (not) making a decision.

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The other day I was given the opportunity to change what I am doing this year, someone asked me if I was sure I wanted to do the topic I am doing for honours, and gave me the option to change it to a slightly different focus. Both seemed really interesting, although before that moment I was set on the topic I had chosen and the other idea hasn't even been on my radar. Once it was asked however, I had to decide.

I gave myself 5 days to consider both options. I imagined what it would be like to do this new topic, I got really excited. I asked heaps of people what they thought. To choose the theory or the practical. Some told me to "go with what I felt was more interesting", others said "do the theory, that'll be really in-depth and interesting", still others said "do the practical, that's more grounded and interactive". I was torn!

A few years ago I went to a seminar on doubt and I learn that double-mindedness is quite normal. Before that event I had thought I was alone in my mixed feelings and thoughts. I was advised to follow both trains of thought and see where they would lead to. So I began to ask myself: if I did a theory honours, where would it lead me, what would it help me to do, what could I do with it later, what skills would it give me, what do I really want to do in life anyway? And then I asked the same questions for if I did a qualitative honours.

After each conversation and musing I came a little closer to my decision, but in the process I really wasn't sure which one I would choose. Many people now say that they can't see how it was even a question, obviously I would choose the social/qualitative option. But seriously, I contemplated the option of doing theory. I love ideas and theorizing! I enjoy writing essays and reading. However, one of my friends did helpfully say "why don't you have both?" to which I thought, Oh, if only it was that simple!

I have come to the conclusion that I am doing both, but more of the qualitative research because I love people! And would like to work on the ground more than in the theoretical world. So I tested the ideas, and now I can be sure that I am doing the right option. I prayed a lot about it, but I don't believe God is for one or against another: both professions are good, as long as in them I glorify the God who made it possible to think and communicate!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, nor for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:17,23-24

* fround in http://clgonline.org/the-prayer-of-faith/