why I'm fasting from fasting

Hello!
It has been a while since I last sat down to write a blog post. It's time I started again :)

This year, the year of our Lord 2014, I decided as a new years resolution to learn more about fasting.

It was a simple plan. Each month I would give up something for that month. At the end of a month I thought and decided on the next months thing.
January- no facebook
February- no coffee
March- no internet on my phone
April- no snacks
May- no TV
June- no chocolate
July- fasting from fasting
August- I tried giving up my phone monday to fridays.

This was as far as my fasting got.
It was hard being self-controlled. I learned that it's easy enough to give myself exceptions to rules. I had hoped to spend time learning things about God, which I did but not in the way I expected! The things I chose to give up were only really challenging my self-control and maybe starting different habits. Rather than giving me opportunity to spend time with God in prayer as I had envisioned.

What I didn't expect to learn but led to my eventual fasting from fasting was the realisation that making rules and trying to keep them is quite easy for me. I get what it means and how to do it. I know when I have broken a rule and I congratulate myself on keeping the rules. I am very legalistic in my mindset. 

What I was struggling with was not the outward signs of self-control but the inward signs of selflessness, humility, and graciousness. It's easy for me to be self-righteous and proud. It was hard for me to know what to do with this realisation.

I found I couldn't make a rule about how I live my life or what to fast from next without feeding my pride and arrogance. I had no idea how to deal with this. I'm so used to finding fault in my actions and making dramatic life changes to try and alleviate my situation. Suddenly I was faced with something I couldn't deal with in the same way.

So instead of fasting I decided to fast from fasting: to give myself grace, to learn about God's grace in a whole new way.

Grace.
An undeserved gift.
In my mind, it is the thing I get while I am still a sinner.
It is the favour of God to see me blameless in light of what Jesus did on my behalf.

Grace.
An unmerited second chance.
I have understood grace to be God's Spirit convicting me of the things I have done wrong.
My responsibility was to respond by doing something about that sin. But.

Grace.
A renewal of life.
I am learning that God not only shows us our wrongdoing and sees us as righteous because of Jesus.
God also has the perfect solution; He transforms, renews and changes us!

Grace.
God's unconditional love
Nothing I can do can take away my wrongdoing.
Nothing I say or think can change my selfishness and pride.
Grace does what I cannot. I am completely dependent on Jesus for all that I am.
And His power of transforming of my mind, body, and soul.

I pray that I will continue to grow in Christlikeness and learn to accept His grace in all areas of my life in all ways.