just ask

"I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”*

In 2011, I had a wonderful time doing what I believed God wanted me to do. But, by the end of the year, in the depths of my knowledge, I lost my love. In the depths of my deeds, I lost my purpose. In the depths of my passion, I lost my energy.

I learnt some really important things when I was at my lowest. My belief did carry me through; it didn't crumble under the emotions of failure. My view of the actions I had been taking changed, but that only showed the flaws in my purpose, not that the ultimate purpose is wrong. When my energy failed me, I found I could keep going because I learnt I didn't need to do everything on my own.

In the depths of my doubt, I discovered that even if I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, who is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, I can still struggle and come out the other side (it took a few months, but i got there). 

In my low points, there were people who gave rash responses that were not helpful, like 'God is bigger than our doubt' or 'don't focus on what you don't know, but on what you do', or any number of other (true, but sometimes unhelpful) things. And there were others who were great, instead of trying to answer everything they asked questions, 'What particulatrly is troubling you about that?', and 'What brought you to this palce?'
Can I encourage one and all to...

"Be merciful to those who doubt"**

So many people in history have wrestled with God. A key example is Thomas, who doubted that a man could rise from the dead...

"Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”"***

Jesus had mercy on Thomas, in the same way He has mercy to us, who recognise that we are doubting or struggling to believe. We can ask, like the man in Mark's gospel, that Jesus would 'help me overcome my unbelief'.
*Mark 9:24
**Jude 1:22
***John 20:24-28

Fruit!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."*

I like eating fruit! I have some very fond memories of enjoying fruit; Jackfruit, Guava, Pinapple, Banana, Passionfruit, Pawpaw, Mango, Apple, Nectarine, Mandarine, Watermellon, Strawberry, Peach. I could go on and on and on :)

It's great when you have good fruit, and quite bad when you have bad fruit. I remember biting into a Guava, and then looking in and seeing half a little worm... and knowing the other half I had just swallowe!!


Fruit also used figuratively, 'bareing fruit' or 'producing fruit' are used to understand offspring (e.g. be fruitful and increase in number**) or even a product (e.g. you will eat the fruit of your labor***).

Today, I became a godmother! My goddaughter is adorable and strongwilled, as the youngest of three she has to be! It's a task I want to take very seriously, and do well -with God's help. I want to encourage and support her as she grows up, and I hope to be an example of godly living.

One of the things I hope to encourage and share my goddaughter with are the fruits of the Spirit. There is no legal obligation in being a godmother, nor is there any law that can ensure kindness, love, peace, joy, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, patience, or self-control. Yet they are admirable character traits, which are really hard to cultivate without the proper watering and fertilizer!

In order for her to know of and think about these fruits often I have handmade her a quilt. With each 'ftruit' there is a picture. (it's not finished yet! But it will be finished by... May? With God's help!)

Self-control= cupcakes. Peace= a dove. Kindness= sharing an umbrella in the rain. Patience= waiting for flowers to grow and blossom. Gentleness= how to treat pets. Love= hearts. Faithfulness= adult and child walking along a path. Goodness= fruit. Joy= people dancing.

"By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit."**

And hopefully, she and I, and any others seeking to grow in the fruits of the Spirit will be recognised by them. Bearing good fruit, sharing happiness and satisfaction with others, rather than leaving a sick and sinking feeling. I hope you strive to grow in the fruits of the Spirit too!

*Galatians 5:22-23 
**Genesis 1:22 
***Psalm 128:2

**Matthew 7:16-18

you can do it

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."*

 

I am a control freak. There, I have said it. Being away from home has driven that out into the open (again!), evident as I fidget and worry. ...I cannot plan events, because I am not arround to see it through. I cannot give suggestions, because it doesn't impact me. I cannot attend meetings. I cannot rally around and with people. I cannot organise group socials. I cannot do so many things!!!

It's hard hearing that a group is struggling and being unable to help. It's hard watching people try new things that one knows how to do well, and not do it for them. It's hard letting people make their own mistakes. It's hard being too far away to sometimes be of help.

But why do I think that I am the only one to be able to do the things I do? Why do I doubt the talented people I know are waiting for the opportunity to come out of the woodworks and dazzle us with hidden talents! Why don't I trust that God will provide the people needed to achieve His plans. And maybe it won't all turn out the way I had planned, maybe because I am not there. But also maybe, becase I cannot control everything that happens!

So, I am trying to learn how to say "you can do it" to others. Giving them the opportunity and space to see what they can do. Giving God the opportunity to do and be Himself in my (and others) life. And in the process, I am telling myself "you can do it" --as in, I can allow others to do things, without my help.

It reminds me of a hymn I used to sing in church, which begins:

"Brother, sister, let me serve you,
let me be as Christ to you;
pray that I may have the grace to
let you be my servant too."**

 

For some, myself included, it is easy to serve others. Or at least believe we are serving them! But the challenge is to allow others to serve us. To help us when we can't do it alone. To ask for advice when we don't know what to do. To trust someone to fix something, or make something for us. To delegate tasks and allow others to do them, even if they are precious to us.

 

In going away, I have physically ensured that I cannot be in the way of others and boss them around. I hope it is, in a way, a service. I trust that they can do it without me, because truthfully I am not the super woman that I sometimes think I am! But I also hope that I will be open and thankful to those who reach out and serve me--- where ever I am in the world!

The problem should not be WHO did it, but HOW. To form a stronger, healthier, happier whole, we should use our strengths and talents to serve one another. And accept that we cannot do everything by ourselves!

*1 Peter 4:10
**"Brother, Sister let me serve you"

The best things in life...

  "For everything there is a season,

    a time for every activity under heaven.

² 

A time to be born and a time to die.

    A time to plant and a time to harvest.

³ 

A time to kill and a time to heal.

    A time to tear down and a time to build up.

⁴ 

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

⁵ 

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

⁶ 

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

    A time to keep and a time to throw away.

⁷ 

A time to tear and a time to mend.

    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

⁸ 

A time to love and a time to hate.

    A time for war and a time for peace."*

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.... Can I say, thank you Readers!! I have had more than 1000 views of my blog! It's kind of exciting! (This is of course including my own views of my blog... Which is basically 1/5 of the total :p ). Thank you for giving me the chance to speak. I hope that in the process I will also know when to be quiet.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.... I am trying to find things to discuss that I think might be interesting but also meaningful to my Readers. I am also hoping to listen and learn from others. I am by no means the wisest person on the Internet, or whom has ever lived. But I have learnt one interesting thing from blogging, my ideas are more defined and structured, now that I have started blogging. I guess George Grant was right when he said:

"We listen to others to discover what we ourselves believe".**
I hope that by listening to me, your ideas on things have also developed.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones... Today I visited a pebble beach in the south of England. It was amazing, it just went on and on along the whole coast! There were a few people walking dogs in the nice 'spring-like' weather. Instead of sticks, the dogs fetched stones!!! :o 

A time to embrace and a time to turn away... In the last 3 months I have met some amazing people, but due to my moving around every few days, I have learnt that there truly is a time to embrace, and a time to turn (go) away. It's hard leaving behind new and old friends. But that is part of life, and hopefully we will one day meet again :)

A time to plant and a time to harvest... I think this can be taken as a investment in friendships. Sometimes we have to water, nurture and invest in friendships. And other times we can reap the rewards of sticking with each other. I hope that the connections I make and the post cards home are just a small investment to -hopefully- life long friendships!!

A time to cry and a time to laugh... These things we often do with people. I saw a billboard yesterday outside a church that said "the best things in life... Are not things!" I totally agree, people (not things) are so important to life, especially finding a community where you can safely cry and be vulnerable, and laugh and play. Friends who allow that are priceless! My Best Friend, Jesus, gives me at times unbelievable joy and peace, and other times comfort and soft words of encouragement.

There is a season for everything in life. Know that things won't last forever. But new things will always come. 

*Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
**George Grant (1918-)

reading is for everyone

"After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions."*

One day a while ago, sitting on a bus going into university, I was reading my Bible when a man sat next to me. Most days that is a common occurrence, but that day, instead of sitting in silence this stranger started talking to me, his opening line was priceless: "Are you studying to become the Pope?"

I found it funny for two reasons... one, I am a woman! second, more than just the Pope read the Bible!

I have just finished a week in a retreat called L'Abri** which is designed for anyone who is interested to sit down and read a few books and think about big topics, including what Christianity is all about and how it relates to everyday life. They have all sorts of books, on Christianity, culture, classics, children, church, and community, as well as many other topics!!

It was such a privilege to be able to sit down and have the freedom and time read and think, and discuss!

Maybe not everyone thinks reading is as enjoyable as i find it, but that doesn't mean it's not for you. There is much to be learned from books. And books shouldn't just be things for smart people, or rich people, or important people, or people in 'that field'... but for everyone and anyone!

But maybe we can only really get into reading if we have questions. At L'Abri everyone is encouraged to ask any and every question that they have. It is that freedom and openness to explore that I hope to continue for the rest of my life. Why are we afraid to ask questions? How much do we want questions solved? For me, an unanswered question hangs around my mind, until I give it the time it requires.

Conversations around a meal, or over a cup of tea, or on a walk are great for gaining perspective and sounding boards. But ultimately, I turn to books (or if it is possible, test it out in real life) to find a deeper understanding and answers to my questions.

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."***

Who am I to think I've got it all answered? There are days I think I have answered all my questions, but tomorrow or the next day something always happens that makes me wonder about life's big questions. 

The quote at the top describes Jesus as a young teen seeking the opportunity to learn and find answers to his questions. Reading is for everyone! Ask questions, seek answers. 

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks find, and to the one who knocks it will be opened."****

*Luke 2:46
**http://www.labri.org/england/index.html 
***Proverbs 28:26
****Luke 11:10

Happy Here

"For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."*

 

So much of life we spend looking forward to something. When we are at school it might be a favourite subject. When we are working Monday to Friday, we might look forward to the weekend. When we are at uni, we look forward to getting into the workforce. When we are in the workforce, we look forward to retirement, or annual holidays. When we are single, we look forward to marriage. When we are married, we loook forward to children. When we are travelling, we might look forward to the next destination.

 

The saying 'the grass is greener on the other side' does not mean that it actually is greener, more lush, restful, healthy.... Rather, I think, the saying highlights how unsatisfied we can be with what we have. This can be a materialistic longing. But in this post I also want to explore the idea of being satisfied where we are in time.

 

There is an ancient Jewish proverb:

"All the toil of man is for his mouth, yet his appetite is not satisfied."**

It is obvious to us that we have to eat several times a day to keep us going. In this day and age, we don't (just) work for our bread, but we still enjoy satisfying other desires, wants and needs. So often they do not satisfy... for long. Similarly, we seek to do things which will bring us the most happiness, or fun, or joy, or thrill! I have found that that is what travelling for fun is mostly about. Going to places I want to visit, eating the food I want to try, exploring the sights of cities that I find interesting. If I spend my time in one church, wondering what the next one will look like. Or being in a city, and wishing I was already in the next. Or staying in a hostel, and wishing I was in a home. Or re-packing my backpack and dreaming of my wardrobe... How am I satisfied? I can't even appreciate what is around me, and in the city, and part of the experience if I keep thinking of where else I could be... 

But truth be told, I really do miss my wardrobe, and wonder what is happening back home, and who I will meet next week... By myself, I cannot ever find lasting satisfaction. There is no person or place or thing that could completely satisfy me. There is only One who can satisfy, the living and good God. He can satisfy our hearts and minds, and fill our lives with so many good things!*

 

God does this in the form, and through, his Son Jesus, who offers water that will mean we will never be thirsty again! The Son of God promises that, "whever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."***

 

The Old Testament song of David, reminds us to remind ourselves that only this way can we be satisfied:

Bless the Lord, O my soul,  

and forget not all his benefits,  

who forgives all your iniquity,  

who heals all your diseases,  

who redeems your life from the pit,  

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,  

who satisfies you with good  

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.****

 

 

*Psalm 107:9

**Ecclesiastes 6:7

***John 4:13-14

****Psalm 103:2-5