my own eyes

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.*

While being at tourist earlier this year I took innumerable photos. I have a DSLR which means that I often took three photos of every subject -one slightly brighter, one darker, and one just right. After a while I realised I was documenting things that I wasn't actually looking at and enjoying on the spot. I would race through a museum taking photos of the texts and artifacts thinking to myself, "that looks interesting, I'll read that when I have a chance back home". We can't look at life as a history book, saying "this is where I was" and "that's what I did". Nor, can we rush through life seeking the next thing rather than appreciating what it before us. When I eventually did learn to appreciate my surroundings without the help of the camera 24/7 I was able to appreciate it a whole lot more.

Last week, I saw a clip on youtube highlighting how society today over-uses and over-consumes technology. I was reminded of my own obsession, and struck by how shallow life can be if we try and capture it. Life is like sand, the tighter we hold it the more it slips through our fingers!

"I Forgot My Phone"

I was struck by a few things. One, life seems a bit artificial and rigid with technology mediating social interaction. Second, by focusing on technology the importance of nurturing and recognizing relationships was diminished. Have you noticed how distracting it is to a conversation when people are constantly checking their phone? Third, how we try to document everything? Personally, that is a really tough issue, on returning home I was still swamped with thousands of photos and then I had the challenging task of sorting through them all for some that would be worth sharing, as seriously no one wanted to see 50 photos of the Eiffel tower! or 100+ photos of my little Goddaughter being adorable! How much time do we think we will have in the future to someday re-live today and yesterday? Tomorrow isn't going to be a re-run of today but it's own unique day with it's own exciting adventures!

The things we see around us won't last, the things we try to hoard and document won't help us get anywhere. What are we saving things for? Why do we feel a need to document everything? What do we lose if we don't? What do we lose if we do? Why fix our eyes on yesterday? Why not focus on today, but more significantly not just the things we can see but also the things that are unseen; that are lasting. Love, faith, hope. Let us focus on loving our family, our friends, our neighbour. Let us turn to faith in something more meaningful in life than some (awesome) photos of days gone by, rather to faith in a meaningful Creator who made all that is; seen and unseen. Let us hope in the restoration of a relationship between God and His people. Let us enjoy today, appreciating the blessings we have in our life in this wonderful world.

*2 Corinthians 4:18

loved to love

We love because he first loved us.*

"I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me and I'm begging you to beg me..." as I listened to those lyrics the other day on the radio I began to think about how much of life is focused on "me", also, I wondered about how despite the desperation and controlling nature of the lyrics there is a truth to the longing described in this song. Being wanted, needed, loved, desirable appears to be a good thing, so to speak. I started thinking about each of the words and what they were really asking. Want. Need. Love. Beg. Without much debate the one most valuable to myself -and I expect all people- is love. I believe we all have a spot in our hearts that can only be satisfied by true love (not romantic love). The song tries to fill that spot with a persons actions and responses... including something called love, but I don't believe that any person could adequately fit or fill that spot.

I also wonder if maybe it's all backwards, what if instead of it all being about what someone else can do for us, life is rather about what we can do for others! :o Maybe, we are loved in order to better love others, and blessed to be a blessing, and cherished to cherish others, and valued to value others: the things that are most precious once they are given away. want, need and beg don't fit that category, but love does.

Which brings about another question, -at least for me- why on earth would anyone love me? What have we done that deserves that? I think the song recognises that there is a contradiction in what we want and what is realistic that is why it is all a desperate wish that the singer has. There is an insecurity that the love might not be shown and so it is demanded. We have a desire to be wanted, but why? and what brings us to assume that that is something we can even ask for? is it innate in us to want these things?

People cannot love perfectly, we stuff up, are selfish, forgetful, unrealistic, demanding, manipulative. But that doesn't mean we should give up hope, we are still called to love one another, and when we fail to keep trying. In the old testament it says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."** This isn't a human claim or promise, but one from God. His love is everlasting, he continues to be faithful.

God doesn't explain why he loves the world, but He does show how much he loves us. This faithfulness in love extended to the point where He was willing to do anything to keep the relationship, to restore it. Jesus explained this when he said "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."*** Sometimes God points out just how incredible and undeserved that love really is! God asks one prophet in the Old Testament to experience the uneven relationship that God has with his people, whom He sometimes describes as his bride. Hosea is asked to:

“Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.”****

Everyone has fallen short of loving perfectly, even those God has chosen, they are forgetful and lazy and selfish and seek pleasure and satisfaction elsewhere. God however has not given up, does not give up, will not give up. He keeps on loving and forgiving. He keeps on seeking and restoring relationships. He loves perfectly because he has dealt with the horrible things we have done, which are so unworthy of love. Jesus came down to earth, willingly took on our failures and bore it to death on a cross, and rising to new life He proved that death and all other failings no longer have ultimate power. Love is amazing, in God we find unconditional love, that is the kind of love that satisfies. And it is the kind of love that transforms. Knowing God's love for me, I can go out and love others. Remembering how unworthy I am on being loved, I seek to forgive and restore relationships not crush them. I am loved to love others. We are all loved first by God, so that we can love others.

*1 John 4:19
**Jeremiah 31:3
*** John 3:16
****Hosea 3:1

now

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.*

I'm just so impatient. I want it all now. I want answers and experiences, independence and time, knowledge and my own family, leadership and cross-cultural experiences, and adventure... to name a few. Waiting is such a hard thing. Especially waiting for the unknown! 
Having dreams and plans isn't a bad thing. But the truth is none of us truly knows what the future holds. I am hopelessly like the culture around me, I make plans and am surprised and disappointed when life doesn't go to my plan, I also want things to happen quickly, smoothly, in my order, at my convenience, at my command and under my control. Life never happens that way!If I knew the future, I wouldn't have to wonder about it. Wondering allows me to hope and trust. I hope for a bright future filled with blessing and purpose. I trust my God to see things come to pass.

The lesson I am learning is two fold, firstly, I am learning to wait: not for my ideas to take place, but rather God's plans, His will to be done. Secondly, I am learning to trust: that God's plans and will are far better for me and everyone than my plans and dreams will ever be!

There are situations in life that test us. "Now, but not yet" situations. For instance, when we make a decision to do something (e.g. keep studying at university next year), but that activity cannot happen until a set time, this is the case with my future plans. I have it all set out, but I can't act most of it out because I am not in the right situation or life stage! Thankfully, we don't make all the plans nor make sure that they come into fruition! God was, is and will be. He is the great I AM, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. He asks that we "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight"**.

And while we wait for this future to occur, for the path to become clear, we take one step forward at a time trusting the Lord and looking with hope to all that He has already promised, letting go of our own ways and understanding. The most important thing that I am waiting for -is not that list of things I wrote of at the beginning, but- is to see the new creation dawn, see God's Kingdom come fully on earth. Jesus reigns victorious in Heaven, but He has not yet come down to restore justice and peace to the land. And as I look at the news on TV, I see the pain and strife, as I look at myself, my friends and family, I see the fragility and flaws. I hope in a day when everything will be restored, I trust that the God I hope in is faithful and just.

'It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”'***

Until that day, I cry out to God to have mercy, to restore us, to bring peace, to transform lives, to bring hope and life, to take away pain and suffering, to humble the strong and powerful, to raise up the weak and needy. I cry out in prayer for my future, and those around me (and society), that God might set our hearts and minds on the things above, that our hopes and dreams and desires might align with Gods. That we might long for the things He longs for, and seek what He seeks. And patiently wait for it all to unfold.

I have realised this past week that if I knew the future I wouldn't have to trust God. Knowledge is power and responsibility. If I knew when I was going to do things, or what I was going to get and when, (it would kind of ruin the surprise!) I would no longer wonder about it, and instead would set about achieving my future, or trying to avoid it! Rather than living today for the day it is. I can't control the future (or the present), and so I leave it all in the hands of the One who can.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble".****

*Psalm 40:1
**Proverbs 3:5-6
***Isaiah 25:9
****Matthew 6:34