Hello!
It has been a while since I last sat down to write a blog post. It's time I started again :)
This year, the year of our Lord 2014, I decided as a new years resolution to learn more about fasting.
It was a simple plan. Each month I would give up something for that month. At the end of a month I thought and decided on the next months thing.
January- no facebook
February- no coffee
March- no internet on my phone
April- no snacks
May- no TV
June- no chocolate
July- fasting from fasting
August- I tried giving up my phone monday to fridays.
This was as far as my fasting got.
It was hard being self-controlled. I learned that it's easy enough to give myself exceptions to rules. I had hoped to spend time learning things about God, which I did but not in the way I expected! The things I chose to give up were only really challenging my self-control and maybe starting different habits. Rather than giving me opportunity to spend time with God in prayer as I had envisioned.
What I didn't expect to learn but led to my eventual fasting from fasting was the realisation that making rules and trying to keep them is quite easy for me. I get what it means and how to do it. I know when I have broken a rule and I congratulate myself on keeping the rules. I am very legalistic in my mindset.
What I was struggling with was not the outward signs of self-control but the inward signs of selflessness, humility, and graciousness. It's easy for me to be self-righteous and proud. It was hard for me to know what to do with this realisation.
I found I couldn't make a rule about how I live my life or what to fast from next without feeding my pride and arrogance. I had no idea how to deal with this. I'm so used to finding fault in my actions and making dramatic life changes to try and alleviate my situation. Suddenly I was faced with something I couldn't deal with in the same way.
So instead of fasting I decided to fast from fasting: to give myself grace, to learn about God's grace in a whole new way.
Grace.
An undeserved gift.
In my mind, it is the thing I get while I am still a sinner.
It is the favour of God to see me blameless in light of what Jesus did on my behalf.
Grace.
An unmerited second chance.
I have understood grace to be God's Spirit convicting me of the things I have done wrong.
My responsibility was to respond by doing something about that sin. But.
Grace.
A renewal of life.
I am learning that God not only shows us our wrongdoing and sees us as righteous because of Jesus.
God also has the perfect solution; He transforms, renews and changes us!
Grace.
God's unconditional love
Nothing I can do can take away my wrongdoing.
Nothing I say or think can change my selfishness and pride.
Grace does what I cannot. I am completely dependent on Jesus for all that I am.
And His power of transforming of my mind, body, and soul.
I pray that I will continue to grow in Christlikeness and learn to accept His grace in all areas of my life in all ways.
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
Thursday, 6 March 2014
doubts and decisions
One can't go through life without testing your gut feelings every now and then, or shaking things up to ensure later you don't regret (not) making a decision.
The other day I was given the opportunity to change what I am doing this year, someone asked me if I was sure I wanted to do the topic I am doing for honours, and gave me the option to change it to a slightly different focus. Both seemed really interesting, although before that moment I was set on the topic I had chosen and the other idea hasn't even been on my radar. Once it was asked however, I had to decide.
I gave myself 5 days to consider both options. I imagined what it would be like to do this new topic, I got really excited. I asked heaps of people what they thought. To choose the theory or the practical. Some told me to "go with what I felt was more interesting", others said "do the theory, that'll be really in-depth and interesting", still others said "do the practical, that's more grounded and interactive". I was torn!
A few years ago I went to a seminar on doubt and I learn that double-mindedness is quite normal. Before that event I had thought I was alone in my mixed feelings and thoughts. I was advised to follow both trains of thought and see where they would lead to. So I began to ask myself: if I did a theory honours, where would it lead me, what would it help me to do, what could I do with it later, what skills would it give me, what do I really want to do in life anyway? And then I asked the same questions for if I did a qualitative honours.
After each conversation and musing I came a little closer to my decision, but in the process I really wasn't sure which one I would choose. Many people now say that they can't see how it was even a question, obviously I would choose the social/qualitative option. But seriously, I contemplated the option of doing theory. I love ideas and theorizing! I enjoy writing essays and reading. However, one of my friends did helpfully say "why don't you have both?" to which I thought, Oh, if only it was that simple!
I have come to the conclusion that I am doing both, but more of the qualitative research because I love people! And would like to work on the ground more than in the theoretical world. So I tested the ideas, and now I can be sure that I am doing the right option. I prayed a lot about it, but I don't believe God is for one or against another: both professions are good, as long as in them I glorify the God who made it possible to think and communicate!
*
The other day I was given the opportunity to change what I am doing this year, someone asked me if I was sure I wanted to do the topic I am doing for honours, and gave me the option to change it to a slightly different focus. Both seemed really interesting, although before that moment I was set on the topic I had chosen and the other idea hasn't even been on my radar. Once it was asked however, I had to decide.
I gave myself 5 days to consider both options. I imagined what it would be like to do this new topic, I got really excited. I asked heaps of people what they thought. To choose the theory or the practical. Some told me to "go with what I felt was more interesting", others said "do the theory, that'll be really in-depth and interesting", still others said "do the practical, that's more grounded and interactive". I was torn!
A few years ago I went to a seminar on doubt and I learn that double-mindedness is quite normal. Before that event I had thought I was alone in my mixed feelings and thoughts. I was advised to follow both trains of thought and see where they would lead to. So I began to ask myself: if I did a theory honours, where would it lead me, what would it help me to do, what could I do with it later, what skills would it give me, what do I really want to do in life anyway? And then I asked the same questions for if I did a qualitative honours.
After each conversation and musing I came a little closer to my decision, but in the process I really wasn't sure which one I would choose. Many people now say that they can't see how it was even a question, obviously I would choose the social/qualitative option. But seriously, I contemplated the option of doing theory. I love ideas and theorizing! I enjoy writing essays and reading. However, one of my friends did helpfully say "why don't you have both?" to which I thought, Oh, if only it was that simple!
I have come to the conclusion that I am doing both, but more of the qualitative research because I love people! And would like to work on the ground more than in the theoretical world. So I tested the ideas, and now I can be sure that I am doing the right option. I prayed a lot about it, but I don't believe God is for one or against another: both professions are good, as long as in them I glorify the God who made it possible to think and communicate!
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, nor for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:17,23-24
* fround in http://clgonline.org/the-prayer-of-faith/
Tuesday, 4 March 2014
smiling from ear to ear!
I'm smiling from ear to ear... because I love summer rain! Today was a warm sunny day, and as I left class at 4:30 the sky looked ominous with grey clouds tumbling and looming to the south east, I hoped that I would get home quickly and remain dry as I don't much like having wet text books. I also wanted to get home quickly so that I might catch a bit of rain/puddles.
As I was going about alone on the root path and hour or so later, I wondered why puddles are so much fun! And why it is ok for children to play in the puddles after the rain, but why is it socially unusual/unacceptable to be an adult who likes jumping in puddles!?
By the time I got half way home it was pouring! like raining cats and dogs! like bucketing! The bus stop was overwhelmingly noisy with rain pounding on the roof, wind sweeping rain under the cover, water pouring out the drain pipes and spilling onto the road. There is something wild and beautiful about rain, especially when every 3 minutes the lightning cracks and the thunder rumbles! The excitement was bubbling up inside me!
At my window seat, on the bus, I stared fascinated as the rain drops slipped down the window pane, and watched in delight as the cars drove over puddles spraying water in an ark. One man decided not to get off the bus because it was too wet for him (I wonder what he did once he got to the end of the bus route...?)! I don't think many of us were prepared for the onslaught of water today, so no one was walking about with umbrellas in the rain, they either didn't leave car/home/work, or were running!
I got home surprisingly dry. I dumped my stuff and ran straight back out to play! (I don't have gum boots, but I still had fun.) I walked up the foot path, and in every puddle, I jumped in with both feet; grinning from ear to ear, giggling at the freedom, and delighting in the beauty of puddles!
Puddles are so simple, and can seem childish. But they are so free, and enjoyable! Stamping ones feet is often seen as an angry activity, but in a puddle it only brings joy and makes oneself wet! It takes a bit of social carelessness to go out and jump in puddles. I mean there I was, a young woman, jumping alone (not a child in sight) in puddles on a main road!
My advice for the day, go out and be a child for a bit, and jump in with both feet. It's more fun that way!
...Wouldn't it be fun to do some finger painting! Or make a mudcake? Or draw a picture of a few made up animals and name them... (which I did do last week :p)
--all my own work, aside from the help of a stencil for my animal shapes and a 2yr old co-colourer--
*http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/series-stories/sweet-child-of-mine
As I was going about alone on the root path and hour or so later, I wondered why puddles are so much fun! And why it is ok for children to play in the puddles after the rain, but why is it socially unusual/unacceptable to be an adult who likes jumping in puddles!?
*
By the time I got half way home it was pouring! like raining cats and dogs! like bucketing! The bus stop was overwhelmingly noisy with rain pounding on the roof, wind sweeping rain under the cover, water pouring out the drain pipes and spilling onto the road. There is something wild and beautiful about rain, especially when every 3 minutes the lightning cracks and the thunder rumbles! The excitement was bubbling up inside me!
At my window seat, on the bus, I stared fascinated as the rain drops slipped down the window pane, and watched in delight as the cars drove over puddles spraying water in an ark. One man decided not to get off the bus because it was too wet for him (I wonder what he did once he got to the end of the bus route...?)! I don't think many of us were prepared for the onslaught of water today, so no one was walking about with umbrellas in the rain, they either didn't leave car/home/work, or were running!
I got home surprisingly dry. I dumped my stuff and ran straight back out to play! (I don't have gum boots, but I still had fun.) I walked up the foot path, and in every puddle, I jumped in with both feet; grinning from ear to ear, giggling at the freedom, and delighting in the beauty of puddles!
Puddles are so simple, and can seem childish. But they are so free, and enjoyable! Stamping ones feet is often seen as an angry activity, but in a puddle it only brings joy and makes oneself wet! It takes a bit of social carelessness to go out and jump in puddles. I mean there I was, a young woman, jumping alone (not a child in sight) in puddles on a main road!
My advice for the day, go out and be a child for a bit, and jump in with both feet. It's more fun that way!
...Wouldn't it be fun to do some finger painting! Or make a mudcake? Or draw a picture of a few made up animals and name them... (which I did do last week :p)
*http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/series-stories/sweet-child-of-mine
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