too young

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.*

too young. too inexperienced. too uneducated. too emotional. too fickle. too impatient. too unconnected. too passionate. too foolish....

I am lacking in so many qualities. People may sometimes say or think otherwise about me, but in truth, I am very young, and quite inexperienced, highly emotional, maybe with a well-rounded education and limited connections, but I am impatient, foolish and fickle. I feel these deficiencies looming high over me, swamping any hope of trying or doing something new. What can I do? How can I be useful? Who am I to tell someone how to do things? Who am I to lead a group? Who am I to plan an event? Who am I?

I am thankful that I am not the only young person struggling with these feelings. Timothy was a young man who was mentored by the Apostle Paul. Eventually Paul sent him to do his own ministry alone. There were days when Timothy would have compared himself to his mentor and seen just how little he really knew. There must have also been plenty of people in the community who looked at Timothy and wondered why on earth he thought he had the authority or right to tell them what to do. I can imagine him wondering if Paul had got it wrong, if maybe he should just give up, change careers, try something easier.

Paul writes to Timothy in a very personal and encouraging letter to give advice and support, we can read two of these letters in the Bible. At one point Paul reminds Timothy not to let anyone dismiss him because of his youth, but to press on being an example of Christ in how he spoke, what he did, how he loved, believed and prayed. Ok, maybe Timothy was an exceptional young person.

I reflect on one of my favourite Bible passages, that reminds readers that Gods wisdom is not human wisdom, that His ways are not our ways...

God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”**

Sometimes being the top student, or having a quick wit, or a good way with words, or being mature, or experienced is very important for street credibility. But God doesn't look at us the same way society does. He sees other things, He values other things. He chooses people who may appear to us as foolish choices, shameful, weak and lowly. He works in and through me, us weak people, to remind us where our strength and skills come from- from God! And to show the world who is really powerful and wise- God! 

If I was smart, mature, educated, experienced, logical, patient, wise, connected, spoke with authority and was altogether just an amazing person. Well then, everything that I did, would be obviously my doing! ...because I'm just that good, that I don't need any help or inspiration. Thankfully, I am not wonder woman! And cannot do anything of meaning or significance alone. Without God, my Strength, my Wisdom, my Power, my Hope,  my Guide, my Redeemer I am simply eating, drinking, and living a bit of a boring life.

A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness***

Being young isn't a bad thing. I want to take the advice that Paul gave Timothy, and learn to be an example for all in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. And when I succeed, I'll boast in the Lord. And when I fail, I point to the Lord who forgives and works in and through weak vessels to show His power.

*1 Timothy 4:12
**1 Corinthians 1:27-31
*** Ecclesiastes 2:24-26a

alone

Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress.*

Moving country has put into focus friendship and traveling alone on and off in the past few months has allowed me to reflect on solitude. I used to find the idea unbearable but am slowly learning to appreciate it. This has come, I think, with a change in how I see solitude. I used to associate being by myself with loneliness. It can be that, but that is not everything.

Being in a foreign country, without the long term connections, there were days that I had little to do with people. Sometimes it was just what I wanted; time to sit and do craft, or go for a walk along the river. Other days I wished I could call up a friend -despite them being on the other side of the world!- and catch up; the silence was deafening, the activities dull.

Being back home, and trying to catch up with friends has been wonderful. Time apart can sometimes damage or change a friendship, and other times one picks up where the friendship was left off. The challenge is how to cope with change and the moments when all is uncertain, when friends are no longer around, or are busy with other things. How do I cope with being alone? What do I do? Who do I turn to?

I have a problem with clingy-ness. If I find a friend I attach myself pretty close to them, and then when all goes pear-shaped, I find it really tricky, and to cope, I seek out my next friend (and "victim") to attach myself to. This is an unhealthy way of dealing with loneliness. And I am ever learning to notice that in myself and ensure it doesn't overpower me. I am learning to seek God and his presence when everyone else seems far away.

'I would soon have settled in silence of the grave. 

I cried out, "I am slipping!" But your unfailing love, O LORD, supported me. 

When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.'**

Loneliness is awful. The "silence of the grave" is overpowering. This can happen even when we're in a crowded room. When we feel ignored or misunderstood, like people aren't seeing or caring about the "real" you. On days like that I turn to God's unfailing love, 'All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings'***. He cares and knows, He loves and supports, He gives and understands.

God understands the need to be alone. Which is not loneliness. I have come to appreciate spending time alone with God, and spending time reflecting on my own life and thoughts. Sitting near nature and seeing the beauty, thinking through issues, planning my day or life. Taking all those things to God in prayer. Jesus did it too, while he was on earth. He found quiet places on mountainsides to pray, and made sure to find places of solitude and rest for himself and his friends.

God hears our distress, He knows what it means to be abandoned by friends, and have no one to support us. He knows what it is like to be rejected, and misrepresented. He knows what it's like to have no one to turn to. He knows, because He -Jesus, the Nazarene- went through it as he was rejected by His friends and left to die on the cross. Apparently even forgotten by His Heavenly Father! But three days later, He was raised to life, God hadn't abandoned Him, but allowed Him to suffer something on our behalf. And in that knowing and experiencing, God is able to reach out and into our lives.

God does provide friends, maybe not as quickly as we hope, maybe not the people we expect, but He does. He has. And the best friend he can give, like I said the other day, is himself!

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."****

Lord God, under the shadow of Your wings, let us hope. Your love supports us when there is no one - no one to share a word, or an embrace, or a smile. Bless all who suffer from such loneliness. Enrich their lives with a friend or a stranger who will spend a moment caring. In those moments Your love shines through, the world is reborn, and Christ is know. Amen.*****

*Psalm 25:16
**Psalm 94:17-19
***Psalm 36:7
****Matthew 28:20
*****An Anglican Compendium of Thoughts and Prayers, "Loneliness Comes In Many Flavours"

welcome back

'Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live.'*

My dreams may not have been leading me on my travels these past 6 months, but I did have a hope and an aim in my travels: to see more of the world and how God might want to use me in it. For the moment, I have returned to Australia. And rather easily I have slipped back into a routine; catching up with friends, getting involved in my local church and community. There are some strange things that make a place comfortable and familiar. For me, the other day I had a moment where I felt like I was really back in Australia. 

It was a winter's day, I was sitting in the sun with a friend, near the beach, knitting. The best part was the reactions we got. A few people made comments which struck me. One elderly lady was amazed that two women in their 20's would be knitting. A couple of middle aged women were inspired and declared they would take up knitting this winter! And a man pushing a pram and walking a dog, without pausing in his stride, said "knitting on the beach. awesome!" and walked away!

(I heard this song on the radio in Germany a few days before flying back to Australia. It felt right to listen to that song then, as though anticipating the greetings I would receive! although i don't like all the words, the chorus is what caught my attention and stayed with me)

** 

Welcome back to Australia, I tell myself. I wouldn't say that my "dreams" of seeing the world have changed in a way to bring me back to Australia. They have changed in how I see myself being used by God, but that is a different point. I am back, and I feel I am here where I am needed..."who'd have thought they'd lead ya, back here where we need ya"**. The friends I have caught up with have told me how much they missed me, and given me tasks to do, and people to see, and things to plan and aim for in the near future which are exciting and heart warming!

I love that God is a God of promises. He commits to doing things, no matter the cost, his seriousness in that can be seen in God the Son dying in our place so that God can have a right relationship with us again, having dealt with our failure himself! I am not saying that my little life -or this trip- is anything like the experience of the Israelite people. But knowing that God has a plan and a purpose and a destination for where life will be is a great comfort as I wonder 'when' and 'how' I will end up 'where'.

"What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you."***

Coming back to Australia is wonderful (so far), I really like it here. But in the end, what I want in life is not good weather but something far more meaningful than that! I want to follow wherever God leads. God's people, as they were about to enter the promised land were open and trusting to God's plans. 

"We will do whatever you command us, and we will go wherever you send us."**** 

I want to have a similar trust and openness as I step out in faith as to what my future holds. The unknown can be daunting and frustrating and worrying, but knowing that my plans are probably different to Gods, and His plans are perfect, I relax knowing I am where I am now for a reason, and if/when I am somewhere else that too will be with a purpose, somewhere I am needed by God. And so I pray for light and truth and guidance as I seek God's will for my life.

*Psalm 43:3

**John Sebastian, 'Welcome Back' (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzmBoEfsA9E)
***Genesis 28:15
****Joshua 1:16