now

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.*

I'm just so impatient. I want it all now. I want answers and experiences, independence and time, knowledge and my own family, leadership and cross-cultural experiences, and adventure... to name a few. Waiting is such a hard thing. Especially waiting for the unknown! 
Having dreams and plans isn't a bad thing. But the truth is none of us truly knows what the future holds. I am hopelessly like the culture around me, I make plans and am surprised and disappointed when life doesn't go to my plan, I also want things to happen quickly, smoothly, in my order, at my convenience, at my command and under my control. Life never happens that way!If I knew the future, I wouldn't have to wonder about it. Wondering allows me to hope and trust. I hope for a bright future filled with blessing and purpose. I trust my God to see things come to pass.

The lesson I am learning is two fold, firstly, I am learning to wait: not for my ideas to take place, but rather God's plans, His will to be done. Secondly, I am learning to trust: that God's plans and will are far better for me and everyone than my plans and dreams will ever be!

There are situations in life that test us. "Now, but not yet" situations. For instance, when we make a decision to do something (e.g. keep studying at university next year), but that activity cannot happen until a set time, this is the case with my future plans. I have it all set out, but I can't act most of it out because I am not in the right situation or life stage! Thankfully, we don't make all the plans nor make sure that they come into fruition! God was, is and will be. He is the great I AM, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. He asks that we "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight"**.

And while we wait for this future to occur, for the path to become clear, we take one step forward at a time trusting the Lord and looking with hope to all that He has already promised, letting go of our own ways and understanding. The most important thing that I am waiting for -is not that list of things I wrote of at the beginning, but- is to see the new creation dawn, see God's Kingdom come fully on earth. Jesus reigns victorious in Heaven, but He has not yet come down to restore justice and peace to the land. And as I look at the news on TV, I see the pain and strife, as I look at myself, my friends and family, I see the fragility and flaws. I hope in a day when everything will be restored, I trust that the God I hope in is faithful and just.

'It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”'***

Until that day, I cry out to God to have mercy, to restore us, to bring peace, to transform lives, to bring hope and life, to take away pain and suffering, to humble the strong and powerful, to raise up the weak and needy. I cry out in prayer for my future, and those around me (and society), that God might set our hearts and minds on the things above, that our hopes and dreams and desires might align with Gods. That we might long for the things He longs for, and seek what He seeks. And patiently wait for it all to unfold.

I have realised this past week that if I knew the future I wouldn't have to trust God. Knowledge is power and responsibility. If I knew when I was going to do things, or what I was going to get and when, (it would kind of ruin the surprise!) I would no longer wonder about it, and instead would set about achieving my future, or trying to avoid it! Rather than living today for the day it is. I can't control the future (or the present), and so I leave it all in the hands of the One who can.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble".****

*Psalm 40:1
**Proverbs 3:5-6
***Isaiah 25:9
****Matthew 6:34