doubts and decisions

One can't go through life without testing your gut feelings every now and then, or shaking things up to ensure later you don't regret (not) making a decision.

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The other day I was given the opportunity to change what I am doing this year, someone asked me if I was sure I wanted to do the topic I am doing for honours, and gave me the option to change it to a slightly different focus. Both seemed really interesting, although before that moment I was set on the topic I had chosen and the other idea hasn't even been on my radar. Once it was asked however, I had to decide.

I gave myself 5 days to consider both options. I imagined what it would be like to do this new topic, I got really excited. I asked heaps of people what they thought. To choose the theory or the practical. Some told me to "go with what I felt was more interesting", others said "do the theory, that'll be really in-depth and interesting", still others said "do the practical, that's more grounded and interactive". I was torn!

A few years ago I went to a seminar on doubt and I learn that double-mindedness is quite normal. Before that event I had thought I was alone in my mixed feelings and thoughts. I was advised to follow both trains of thought and see where they would lead to. So I began to ask myself: if I did a theory honours, where would it lead me, what would it help me to do, what could I do with it later, what skills would it give me, what do I really want to do in life anyway? And then I asked the same questions for if I did a qualitative honours.

After each conversation and musing I came a little closer to my decision, but in the process I really wasn't sure which one I would choose. Many people now say that they can't see how it was even a question, obviously I would choose the social/qualitative option. But seriously, I contemplated the option of doing theory. I love ideas and theorizing! I enjoy writing essays and reading. However, one of my friends did helpfully say "why don't you have both?" to which I thought, Oh, if only it was that simple!

I have come to the conclusion that I am doing both, but more of the qualitative research because I love people! And would like to work on the ground more than in the theoretical world. So I tested the ideas, and now I can be sure that I am doing the right option. I prayed a lot about it, but I don't believe God is for one or against another: both professions are good, as long as in them I glorify the God who made it possible to think and communicate!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, nor for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. -Colossians 3:17,23-24

* fround in http://clgonline.org/the-prayer-of-faith/

smiling from ear to ear!

I'm smiling from ear to ear... because I love summer rain! Today was a warm sunny day, and as I left class at 4:30 the sky looked ominous with grey clouds tumbling and looming to the south east, I hoped that I would get home quickly and remain dry as I don't much like having wet text books. I also wanted to get home quickly so that I might catch a bit of rain/puddles.

As I was going about alone on the root path and hour or so later, I wondered why puddles are so much fun! And why it is ok for children to play in the puddles after the rain, but why is it socially unusual/unacceptable to be an adult who likes jumping in puddles!?

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By the time I got half way home it was pouring! like raining cats and dogs! like bucketing! The bus stop was overwhelmingly noisy with rain pounding on the roof, wind sweeping rain under the cover, water pouring out the drain pipes and spilling onto the road. There is something wild and beautiful about rain, especially when every 3 minutes the lightning cracks and the thunder rumbles! The excitement was bubbling up inside me!

At my window seat, on the bus, I stared fascinated as the rain drops slipped down the window pane, and watched in delight as the cars drove over puddles spraying water in an ark. One man decided not to get off the bus because it was too wet for him (I wonder what he did once he got to the end of the bus route...?)! I don't think many of us were prepared for the onslaught of water today, so no one was walking about with umbrellas in the rain, they either didn't leave car/home/work, or were running!

I got home surprisingly dry. I dumped my stuff and ran straight back out to play! (I don't have gum boots, but I still had fun.) I walked up the foot path, and in every puddle, I jumped in with both feet; grinning from ear to ear, giggling at the freedom, and delighting in the beauty of puddles!

Puddles are so simple, and can seem childish. But they are so free, and enjoyable! Stamping ones feet is often seen as an angry activity, but in a puddle it only brings joy and makes oneself wet! It takes a bit of social carelessness to go out and jump in puddles. I mean there I was, a young woman, jumping alone (not a child in sight) in puddles on a main road!

My advice for the day, go out and be a child for a bit, and jump in with both feet. It's more fun that way!
...Wouldn't it be fun to do some finger painting! Or make a mudcake? Or draw a picture of a few made up animals and name them... (which I did do last week :p)

--all my own work, aside from the help of a stencil for my animal shapes and a 2yr old co-colourer--

*http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/series-stories/sweet-child-of-mine

Sentence

With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last. The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood there in front of Jesus, saw how he died, he said, “Surely this man was the Son of God!”*

I can speak to God.

The other day, I reflected on how amazing this sentence is; the more I thought about it the more I got excited!

I can speak to God.
There is nothing special about me, I am a young woman of a quiet middle-class family. I have a voice, a heart, dreams, trials, joys. I don't have magic words or a great speaking style, I often stumble over words and repeat myself, I am self-centred and ...well pretty average! Yet...

I can speak to God.
There is a freedom in being able to do things. Even if I did not have much freedom in society, I would have the freedom of my thoughts, and that is all I need to converse with God. He CAN give visions and dreams, He CAN use conversations and situations to convey His plans and message, He CAN change hearts, He CAN understand us and He knows us intimately because He has lived among us! So...

I can speak to God.
Communication is amazing, the fact that I can say something and someone else can understand what I mean! ...I mean, wow! And what is even more amazing is that there is an Unseen God who can hear and SPEAK! His means of communication are words. The Bible is God's message to us, and prayers are one way of returning the conversation. I mean...

I can speak to God.
A relationship with someone is defined by what you mean TO each other. God, the Creator, listens TO us, the creation! It's not just me talking TO a wall; it is me talking TO a person! TO someone who cares and wants TO hear us tell our lives, hopes, dreams, fears. He loves hearing from us; it is a fragrant offering TO the Author of Life. Believe it...

I can speak to God.
I have already alluded to this, but we can talk to GOD... Unseen and Creator, who revealed Himself and speaks, who listens to people and cares! GOD who is Holy and Just, Merciful and Gracious, Almighty and Personal ...that's the One we can speak to! How incredible! What can we say to such a Perfect Being, when we are so not perfect!?

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."**

Back when Moses was being instructed by God on how to live a life pleasing. The LORD had a place symbolic of where he was and it was such a holy place that one could only enter after a complicated ceremony, if that was not done then that person's unholiness would result in their death (for more details on the seriousness of this ceremony read Leviticus 16). But since Jesus, there has been a new way to communicate, because the ceremony was accomplished on the cross... once for all! The temple curtain was torn in two from top to bottom!
Resulting in the sentence, I can speak to God.

*Mark 15:37-39
**Hebrews 10:19-22