just ask

"I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”*

In 2011, I had a wonderful time doing what I believed God wanted me to do. But, by the end of the year, in the depths of my knowledge, I lost my love. In the depths of my deeds, I lost my purpose. In the depths of my passion, I lost my energy.

I learnt some really important things when I was at my lowest. My belief did carry me through; it didn't crumble under the emotions of failure. My view of the actions I had been taking changed, but that only showed the flaws in my purpose, not that the ultimate purpose is wrong. When my energy failed me, I found I could keep going because I learnt I didn't need to do everything on my own.

In the depths of my doubt, I discovered that even if I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, who is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, I can still struggle and come out the other side (it took a few months, but i got there). 

In my low points, there were people who gave rash responses that were not helpful, like 'God is bigger than our doubt' or 'don't focus on what you don't know, but on what you do', or any number of other (true, but sometimes unhelpful) things. And there were others who were great, instead of trying to answer everything they asked questions, 'What particulatrly is troubling you about that?', and 'What brought you to this palce?'
Can I encourage one and all to...

"Be merciful to those who doubt"**

So many people in history have wrestled with God. A key example is Thomas, who doubted that a man could rise from the dead...

"Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”"***

Jesus had mercy on Thomas, in the same way He has mercy to us, who recognise that we are doubting or struggling to believe. We can ask, like the man in Mark's gospel, that Jesus would 'help me overcome my unbelief'.
*Mark 9:24
**Jude 1:22
***John 20:24-28

Fruit!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."*

I like eating fruit! I have some very fond memories of enjoying fruit; Jackfruit, Guava, Pinapple, Banana, Passionfruit, Pawpaw, Mango, Apple, Nectarine, Mandarine, Watermellon, Strawberry, Peach. I could go on and on and on :)

It's great when you have good fruit, and quite bad when you have bad fruit. I remember biting into a Guava, and then looking in and seeing half a little worm... and knowing the other half I had just swallowe!!


Fruit also used figuratively, 'bareing fruit' or 'producing fruit' are used to understand offspring (e.g. be fruitful and increase in number**) or even a product (e.g. you will eat the fruit of your labor***).

Today, I became a godmother! My goddaughter is adorable and strongwilled, as the youngest of three she has to be! It's a task I want to take very seriously, and do well -with God's help. I want to encourage and support her as she grows up, and I hope to be an example of godly living.

One of the things I hope to encourage and share my goddaughter with are the fruits of the Spirit. There is no legal obligation in being a godmother, nor is there any law that can ensure kindness, love, peace, joy, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, patience, or self-control. Yet they are admirable character traits, which are really hard to cultivate without the proper watering and fertilizer!

In order for her to know of and think about these fruits often I have handmade her a quilt. With each 'ftruit' there is a picture. (it's not finished yet! But it will be finished by... May? With God's help!)

Self-control= cupcakes. Peace= a dove. Kindness= sharing an umbrella in the rain. Patience= waiting for flowers to grow and blossom. Gentleness= how to treat pets. Love= hearts. Faithfulness= adult and child walking along a path. Goodness= fruit. Joy= people dancing.

"By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit."**

And hopefully, she and I, and any others seeking to grow in the fruits of the Spirit will be recognised by them. Bearing good fruit, sharing happiness and satisfaction with others, rather than leaving a sick and sinking feeling. I hope you strive to grow in the fruits of the Spirit too!

*Galatians 5:22-23 
**Genesis 1:22 
***Psalm 128:2

**Matthew 7:16-18

you can do it

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms."*

 

I am a control freak. There, I have said it. Being away from home has driven that out into the open (again!), evident as I fidget and worry. ...I cannot plan events, because I am not arround to see it through. I cannot give suggestions, because it doesn't impact me. I cannot attend meetings. I cannot rally around and with people. I cannot organise group socials. I cannot do so many things!!!

It's hard hearing that a group is struggling and being unable to help. It's hard watching people try new things that one knows how to do well, and not do it for them. It's hard letting people make their own mistakes. It's hard being too far away to sometimes be of help.

But why do I think that I am the only one to be able to do the things I do? Why do I doubt the talented people I know are waiting for the opportunity to come out of the woodworks and dazzle us with hidden talents! Why don't I trust that God will provide the people needed to achieve His plans. And maybe it won't all turn out the way I had planned, maybe because I am not there. But also maybe, becase I cannot control everything that happens!

So, I am trying to learn how to say "you can do it" to others. Giving them the opportunity and space to see what they can do. Giving God the opportunity to do and be Himself in my (and others) life. And in the process, I am telling myself "you can do it" --as in, I can allow others to do things, without my help.

It reminds me of a hymn I used to sing in church, which begins:

"Brother, sister, let me serve you,
let me be as Christ to you;
pray that I may have the grace to
let you be my servant too."**

 

For some, myself included, it is easy to serve others. Or at least believe we are serving them! But the challenge is to allow others to serve us. To help us when we can't do it alone. To ask for advice when we don't know what to do. To trust someone to fix something, or make something for us. To delegate tasks and allow others to do them, even if they are precious to us.

 

In going away, I have physically ensured that I cannot be in the way of others and boss them around. I hope it is, in a way, a service. I trust that they can do it without me, because truthfully I am not the super woman that I sometimes think I am! But I also hope that I will be open and thankful to those who reach out and serve me--- where ever I am in the world!

The problem should not be WHO did it, but HOW. To form a stronger, healthier, happier whole, we should use our strengths and talents to serve one another. And accept that we cannot do everything by ourselves!

*1 Peter 4:10
**"Brother, Sister let me serve you"